I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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