Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You made out with two different species that night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
