I just cut my nipple shaving
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
