worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
