Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
