Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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