He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
