I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
