4 words: hood of his car
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
