Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
