While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this boner is exhausting
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
