What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
