I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
