My room smells like vodka and shame
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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