Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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