Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
