**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
please come you make the beer taste better
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
