yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
