Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
