Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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