He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
