The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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