pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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