I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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