What did we do last night that was yellow?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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