For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
