just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
