We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
