I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
