New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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