Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
