Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
