we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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