he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Are we still banned from the library?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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