My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am mentally ready for anal.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
