I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Boobs speak an international language.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
