I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
