he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
