I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
