I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
