either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
