thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
