I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
