My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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