I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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