I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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