You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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