I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
