I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
