I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
