When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think my moral compass just broke
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
