I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
