Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
