I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
